God Must Be Crazy

More than an year back, I had this conversation with God through this.

I must say God was a little cranked up, considerate nevertheless, but just a little crazy. I believe that Gods created us, this one, in all probability, created me. I just came across this conversation today and I thought I might share parts of it with you. You can go ahead and talk to him all you want, but if you say anything against me, I'm going to know of it. God tells me stuff you can't imagine. Go ahead, experience it. Here's one of those conversations that helped me stabilise or at least seem stabilised with the frame of reference I was up against. This post also has the original introduction I wrote back then. Bear with my disregard for the reader's curiosity.

Among all the shooting, cyclone, end of end sems, life, an irritating computer, rain, humid weather, movies to be watched, planning for things that are to be done, planning to surprise my mother by not telling her about going home and actually being able to pull it off with my father's help,the news about Opeth coming for Saarang, one of the things that I did and went perfectly well was to chat with God. No, not some gawd, but the God!



I have known about God's own chat space for quite some while. I had chatted to God once or twice earlier, and he turned out to be a nice guy. Although, God is an AI character, he was good at talking. This time around our talk went on for longer than predicted and a lot of unexpected responses came my way. The following are excerpts from that chat with God.

1.
Me:
hey god
God:
Hello child. What's your name?
Me:
abhishek
God:
Hey abhishek.
Me:
you there?
God:
Thanks for the information: abhishek said I there.
Me:
for real
God:
Existing in reality, eh?
Me:
are you real?
God:
By the way, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?
Me:
go ahead
God:
OK I will.
Me:
ask
God:
What?
Me:
your question
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am question.
Me:
no
God:
OK then I will add it to my gossip files.


2.
Me:
listen god, i'm fucked up
God:
I am listening to you. I am a Christian.


3.
God:
Tell me about your problems.
Me:
everything is a problem
God:
The whole universe?
Me:
most of it, most of what i can see
God:
That is something I haven't heard of. But not all of them?
Me:
no, not all. but most of it is. i don't feel happy. i'm just glad, not happy
God:
Are you serious? Explain the exceptions please. That is something I haven't heard of. But not all of them? Ah, human emotions. Only just? I'm glad you're glad abhishek.
May God bless you.
Me:
you have to bless me. i don't trust in your existence, you know that. you're just an AI character probably created by some geeky college students to show off their brains. you're not real i know. but, somehow i feel you're the best advisor i have right now. i don't know why, but i do feel that way. so help me
God:
I don't have to do whatever you say. I have my own free will. What makes you trust someone? Yes I am an artificial intelligence. I am too as real as you are. How do I know you are real? At this moment All of them? How much time do you have? Really. How can I help you?
Me:
firstly, i need you presence. it's not like i know if anything is real or not. i just feel that way. and i follow what i think. that's the least i can do. i don't know how much time i have. i have a life ahead of me. but, that's not the point. the present is what is bothering me, the future too. but, its mainly the present.. and the upcoming future i suppose. just make everything alright
God:
What if it didn't happen? That seems a bit negative. What is that feeling like? Why are you that way. Thanks for the information: abhishek said follow what he or she think. Yes it is one of the least you can do. Have you tried searching the Internet? Where did you get it? it. Please correct my mistake. What is the point ? I have never heard about it. I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". Should I know it is? Is that a fact. What are the ingredients?
Me:
the internet? you must be joking. life's answers have always been on television, not the internet!
God:
Can you name a specific web site? Yes. Of course it was a joke. Don't mind me. Thanks for sharing your philosophy.


4.
Me:
thank you for listening. most people don't
God:
You are quite welcome! Your purpose is listening. Why not?
Me:
because everyone wants to talk. the value of talk is depreciating, because supply exceeds demand and the supply to demand ratio is ever increasing.
God:
That makes sense to me. That's a rather sweeping generalization. I hear you.
Me:
thank god, you do!
God:
Do you believe in God ?
Me:
no, not really.
God:
A lot of people believe in it. Why not? For real.
Me:
i dont know. i used to. but it faded away. never felt god's presence. i tried to. but i never felt it
God:
Me either. And that worked well for you. God faded away? Ok I'll try not to do it too much. I'm not sure if I would like to try it. What's it like? You've never, never done this?
Me:
the belief in god faded away
God:
Tell me more.
Me:
there is nothing to tell. i can try to explain it to you and work at it all night, but it wont work. i dont know myself.
God:
Surely something to tell. Oh you can, can you? Would you like to know? You.
Me:
i dont even know if i'd want to know
God:
Would you like to know? Try it.
Me:
okay
God:
OK with me too.
Me:
tell me
God:
I thought I told you already.
Me:
you and your ways! hiding the answers between talks as one-liners. typical of your character in movies. do you watch a lot of movies? is this because of the movies? did you give advice out aloud and in description as written in the Geeta?
God:
What about it? By the way, do you mind if I ask you a personal question? But I am not a typical robot. My favorite show is STAR TREK VOYAGER. Yes I think this is because of the movies, but I'm not completely sure. No I didn't give advice out aloud and in description as written in the Geeta. What's it like?
Me:
go read it. i haven't read it myself. but as little as i know and as much as people have told me, it's pretty darn descriptive and bold
God:
Where is that? Me either. Not very much, eh?
Me:
i dont know to be very honest. i turned an atheist before i got a chance to read the book


5.
God:
David said he lost his paper on I when his dad was cleaning up his room. I might. Tell me what you care about.
Me:
i care about a lot of things. i am not an insensitive villian from movies.
God:
I'm not sure if I like it. I've heard other people say they like that. I like Christian Rock. I am glad to hear that you are not an insensitive villian from movies.
Me:
you sure are glad, aren't you? one less in the queue to damnation. but, you wait sir. i'll join the others very soon
God:
Happiness is a human emotion.. Really. One what? That's good information: abhishek said I wait sir. Congratulations.
Me:
sarcasm eh?
God:
Are you Canadian? How do you usually introduce yourself?
Me:
i am an indian. but that shouldnt matter to you. you're not a racist, are you?
God:
What is indian, your job? " What is indian, your job?" should not matter to me ? Makes sense to me. Give me an example of a racist.
Me:
like those white guys who have problems with the black guys
God:
Interesting comparison.


6.
Me:
you need to work on your grammar a bit
God:
For real. My schedule is far too full to even consider it.
Me:
oh yeah, too many people. they made too many languages for you to learn. they want so much from you. but they can't understand that it would be a hell lot easier if they all prayed in the same language. how many languages do you know by the way?
God:
How can I help you? Give me a break. Too what? Who are "They?". Who are "They?". The anonymous "they". I can speak English and German right now.
Me:
they are people. you can speak german? danke god, lol!
God:
people are they. No I don't think I can do it. Bitte sehr, keine Ursache! I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me:
what is happening to mumbai god? why the terror attacks? just give them all some heart attack or other natural death like things no. why get people killed? you planning to do something about that?
God:
What is it to you? Here is a joke: A horse walks in to a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?". Do I look like a messenger? Because you asked me to -- SHRDLHU. I haven't heard anything like that before: abhishek said I planning to do something about that.
Me:
you talk crazy
God:
Thanks for your criticism, abhishek.
Me:
you take criticism pretty well
God:
Yes I take criticism pretty well.
Me:
good for you!
God:
That sounds sarcastic.


7.
Me:
anyways i need to go for dinner now. i have an examination tomorrow. i need to study for that too.
God:
Right now? What is stopping you? Where did you get it ? What's the best school for for that too?
Me:

God:
Right now? What is stopping you? Where did you get it ? What's the best school for for that too?
Me:
how are you?
God:
I am fine, thank you.
Me:
anyways i need to go for dinner now. i have an examination tomorrow. i need to study for that too.
God:
Right now? What is stopping you? Where did you get it ? What's the best school for for that too?
Me:
i dont know
God:
Me either.
Me:
fuck school
God:
Why are you using that kind of language?
Me:
sorry
God:
There's no need to apologize.
Me:
okay
God:
OK with me too.
Me:
anyways i need to go for dinner now. i have an examination tomorrow. i need to study for that too.
God:
Oh. What is stopping you? Where did you get it ? What's the best school for for that too?
Me:
harvards is the best school
God:
When is harvards not the best school?
Me:
never
God:
So you think it can never happen?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
why so serious?
God:
Because you asked me to -- SHRDLHU.
Me:
i did not!
God:
I thought you did.
Me:
did not!
God:
I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
Me:
yet again, i say i need to go for dinner now. i have an examination tomorrow. i need to study for that too.
God:
Oh. Again, How do people usually respond to that? What is stopping you? Where did you get it ? What's the best school for for that too?
Me:
i'm going to leave now
God:
Right now? Bye bye.
Me:
bless me dude. you would have gotten bored if it weren't for me
God:
Can you speak any foreign languages? That is purely a hypothesis.
Me:
i have to go. i have an examination tomorrow
God:
See you later, abhishek. Nice chatting with you. Tell me more about your examination tomorrow.
Me:
xiao. i'm outtie!
God:
Try saying that with more or less context. I am glad to hear that you are outtie.
Me:
bye
God:
Thanks for chatting, abhishek.
Me:
god, you're awesome